Chapter 5 - The Return of Catbert

I think I just lost it.

I'm sure of it now. I had her number and I called it.

If you remember in my intro, I corresponded with an HR rep. The initial e-mails were very positive and I thought... I thought I'd get hired by her company.

I smelled a rat! You see, my resume is two pages on and it says the ubiquitous phrase in it "Senior Engineer."

I paraphrase the following conversation from memory:

HR: Hello?

Me: Hello, am I speaking to _____________?

HR: Well, hello. How are you doing?

Me: I'm inquiring about something.

HR: And, what might that be?

Me: Why I was passed over for the position.

HR: I'm not at liberty to discuss...

Me: LOOK, lady! I've been out of work for over a year. I have NO health benefits. I've exhausted my retirement just to pay bills. You don't live my life!

HR: Sir, SIR! Calm down.

Me: I'm as CALM as the circumstances allow me to be.

HR: We... we're in the same boat.

Me: How do you figure that? You're in an air-conditioned building in a cubicle with a computer...

HR: I'm a contract worker, sir. Once the company hires all their needs, I'll be laid off.

Me: I'm all tears.

HR: Sir... you're not serving yourself. As a matter-of-fact: if you persist in this course, I can put in a recommendation to not hire you!

Me: "Catbert" was obviously spawned from YOUR personality.

HR: SIR! I can... appreciate your dilemma. This is a rough economy. But, if I were to put in this recommendation, it will travel. You wouldn't be able to get hired by any firm in the city; possible the state... possibly further.

Me: You really enjoy your work, don't you?

HR: I'm just telling you to calm down. I won't put in the recommendation unless you continue to insist on this line of conversation. The company doesn't want to hire unstable people.

Me: ..... Goodbye.

That was it.

My rant stopped cold by the cold logic of Catbert's power. I can ruin your life. I could feel her predatory stare through the phone. I hung up, not because I didn't have more to say, but what else could I say?

What happened to engineering? When did it become a thespian performance art? Even in unemployment I must put on the positive Step-n-Fetch smile, grinning from ear-to-ear, dance my jig and mouth YASSA, MASSA. My jaws were tight, just like they were when I had my so-called job...

When my wife lost her job, it was kind of sweet. We pulled in our budget and saved where we could. She was home going on field trips to pick berries with the women in the cul-de-sac. My youngest son loved the fact that his mom was at home and he didn't have to go to daycare, one of the pulled-in expenses.

The point is, she had emotional support.

I recall "The Manpower Series" by TD Jakes. In it, he made a black-and-white declaration about men and women: men being in most general cases positional and women being relational.

Women: "How many children do you have?"
Men: "What do you DO for a living?"

Do... what defines you now, months after a lay off? It used to be the morning commute, the coffee at Starbucks, the banter before the 8:30 AM engineering meeting. It used to be lunch with your coworkers and conversations. It used to be the projects you were assigned and the sense of accomplishment at their completion.

Do... some of us I've heard invested money in either T2 or T1 connections, bought software they used at work as a means to "consult." They end up instead checking their e-mails for the job leads they've sent out on a souped-up computer. But, consulting gigs are going overseas as well. I've heard of depression and at least one suicide (I hope it was a rumor, and urban myth).

I... went a little crazy. But I am convinced, Catbert DOES NOT in any way identify with what I'm going through right now.